The Wheelhouse Window
There’s a Southerly’ wind’a’blowin according to the electronics on my dash, but I can tell just by the white caps on the waves that I obliterate with my fore-peak. I guess I never really needed instruction as to what the weather is gonna be like, I feel it in my bones. I know when that red sun rises on a Texas sky that the weather is going to be a challenge. Knowing I have a sail scheduled for Port Fouchon, I get my 155 foot supply vessel ready for our last 14 day journey before crew change. My fore-peak that holds a ballast tanks is completely topped off with potable ballast water. This ballast tank, as well as the remainder of the ballast tanks along the outskirts of my vessel are full of water. This water in the ballast tanks gives us the weight we need to crashing through these white-capped waves as easy as riding a bike… Except the bikes in hell, you are in hell, and everything is hell, basically.
I spend a lot of time out here on the water, and the truth is its easy to see things differently out here, hold on, my Yetti just slid off the dash. Shit, there goes my coffee, I guess I better get that; anyhow I see things differently out here. I see my friends go through so many problems that sometimes seem so self-made. “I just want to be happy”, “I don’t know what to do about my house”, “I’m married but I like another guy”, “My job sucks” or my recent discovery from a friend-“I’m gay and am afraid of coming out”. HAHA. DUDE I KNOW! “Why didn’t you just tell me!?” he shouted. My response is the same to him as it will be everyone, “You mean you want me to tell you what YOUR sexual preference is?” Dude, I cannot even deal with you right now. The solution to our self made problems seem so simple from out here, away from the normal world you more than likely reside in. What makes you happy? Dick? Masculinity? Copious amounts of body hair and crude humor? Ha ha, go for it, buddy. Its not my place to judge you for being gay. I honestly care less and you’re still going to be one of my best friends, I am warning you now though, if that fairy comes between me and you, ill lay him the hell out. I mean its no contest seeing how hes a fairy and all. I mean, can gay guys fight? Do they have some kind of magical gay rainbow dust that gives them America Ninja Warrior fighting skills and cat-like reflexes? Do they have some magical unicorn horn they’ll pull out of the spandex panties that they wield out in a frantic fury? No. They don’t. I mean, it’d be pretty bad-ass if they did. It all sounds pretty cool actually, and now, I kinda want one for myself. A magical fairy dust blowin’, unicorn horn wielding, gay boy as a side kick. I bet a man can pull ungodly amounts of ass at a bar with a cute side kick man-boy. This is all getting too exciting, maybe ill covert to the gay tribe myself. I mean it all sounds fantastic while writing this but lesbihonest, I love a big booty hoe’s, and by “hoe’s” I mean a God fearing woman whom brings out the purest Man in me. Speaking of, I have nothing but respect for the entire LGBT, LGTB, LG”STFU” whatever it is, do what you do. In all honesty, whose place is it to judge you? Are you afraid of loosing yourself by your choices? Don’t be. You are you no matter what. You make your choices and you learn to live with them. Either way, you’ll only be a coward by hiding who you truly are, so, be you. Sell your house, move to Kentucky, and marry a Fairy. Also, if I might add, you can even add a tiny midget parade and have your best men and women dress in leather chaps and what knot. Throw in some little dick cakes, and I am willing to bet you have some crazy ass Aunt who will cover one of them in brown icing just to make it her version of funny. Before you know it you’ll have a wedding more majestic than a waterfall of unicorn vaginas. Then again, this is just my views from the Wheelhouse Window.
I freaking HATE when I get off topic like that. Do you see how life can be out here? I told you being a mariner is like riding a bike, except you’re in hell, and apparently, this hell is full of magical gay demon-boys with unicorn antlers or some shit.